The week has already got off to a solid start for the Armchair Fan, who thoroughly enjoyed Tottenham’s 4-0 thumping of Stoke City on Monday night.
Yet, the Britannia Stadium clash was just a drop in the ocean, kicking off a week of fantastic football that spans the FA Youth Cup, the FA Cup proper, five of Europe’s best top flights, cup competitions in France and Germany and a feisty Women’s Super League fixture.
Indeed, the week ahead has so many treats in store that AF won’t be leaving his sweat-stained recliner for a second, even if it means living off specks of dust floating around his front room and staying hydrated via that ever-dripping leak in the ceiling.
A grim existence perhaps, but nonetheless one that allows AF to fill you in on the best football hitting the small screen over the next six days. Make sure your satellite subscriptions are in order, stock up on crisps and spend the week witnessing the fabulous football!
TUESDAY – TOON DAY
Topping the billing on Tuesday night is Newcastle United’s Premier League clash with Manchester City, a fixture that puts juxtaposing ends of the table against each other as the former fights for top flight survival and the latter a spot in the top four.
There’s also plenty of Championship fixtures on show if you have a vested interest in the second tier, not least including Burnley and Middlesbrough’s table-topping affair at Turf Moor and relegated Bolton vs soon-to-be-relegated Charlton Athletic.
Meanwhile, if the adrenaline of cup competitions take your fancy, Bayern Munich square off against Werder Bremen in the first semi-final of the DFB Pokal, whilst mid-tablers Lorient face the daunting challenge of getting past PSG in the Coupe de France.
What’s on the box?
Newcastle United vs Manchester City – 7pm Sky Sports 1
Espanyol vs Celta Vigo – 7pm Sky Sports 3
Bayern Munich vs Werder Bremen – 5.15pm BT Sport Europe
Napoli vs Bologna – 7.30pm BT Sport 2
PSV vs Vitesse Arnhem – 7.35pm Sky Sports 2
Championship updates – 7.45pm onwards Sky Sports News
WEDNESDAY – CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, IT’S ONLY THE DERBY
The Merseyside derby is one of the Premier League’s best rivalries with shin-shattering tackles and handbags-at-half-mast aplenty. Five of the last six encounters between Everton and Liverpool have been draws, however, with just 11 goals scored, so expect more of a scrappy brawl than a goals galore thriller.
North of the border, Hibernian face Rangers in the battle of the former SPL regulars, whilst Lazio hope to gloss over an underwhelming season with a scalp over Serie A title favourites Juventus and Barcelona will expect to bring their worst run in La Liga since 2003, picking up just one point from the last four games, to an end with an emphatic win over Deportivo.
And for you Bundesliga hipsters, fourth-place Hertha Berlin take on second-place Borussia Dortmund in the second DFB Pokal semi-final of the week.
What’s on the box?
Sassuolo vs Sampdoria – 5.30pm BT Sport 2
Deportivo vs Barcelona – 6.45pm Sky Sports 3
Liverpool vs Everton – 7.30pm Sky Sports 1
Hibernian vs Rangers – 7.30pm Sky Sports 2
Hertha Berlin vs Borussia Dortmund – 7.15pm BT Sport Europe
Juventus vs Lazio – 7.30pm BT Sport 2
Real Madrid vs Villarreal – 9pm Sky Sports 3
THURSDAY – THE NIGHT OF UNHOLY
There’s something about Premier League football on a Thursday night that just doesn’t feel right, even for the Premier League-mad Armchair Fan. Likewise, Arsenal vs West Brom isn’t exactly a thriller in the making – both sides have nothing left to play for this season and Tony Pulis’ Baggies are the least entertaining team in the league, creating the fewest chances of any top flight club.
With that in mind, Carpi’s potential giant killing of AC Milan in a bid to ensure their Serie A survival could be worth a watch instead, with the latter club just a point above the drop zone and the San Siro outfit winning just one of their last five – a disappointing run that has recently claimed a casualty in manager Sinisa Mihajlovic
AF is also giving a shoutout to Women’s Football, with Arsenal and Chelsea Ladies meeting in the Super League on Thursday night. The two London rivals face each other in the FA Cup final at Wembley next month, so Thursday’s game might contain a few very unwomanly challenges.
What’s on the box?
Arsenal Ladies vs Chelsea Ladies – 5.30pm
Arsenal vs West Brom – 7pm Sky Sports 1
AC Milan vs Carpi – 7.30pm BT Sport Europe
FRIDAY – SLIM PICKINGS
A somewhat anaemic night of football compared to prior Fridays, which usually receive the header of Hipster night.
Indeed, Preston North End vs Burnley represents the top of the billing in English football, although the first leg of Man City and Chelsea’s FA Youth Cup Final clash – just days after the senior teams met in the Premier League – is well worth a watch if you’re keen to unearth a few more prodigious gems for your Football Manager team.
Elsewhere, Hamburg take on Werder Bremen in the Bundesliga, with the latter club likely still licking their wounds from a DFB Pokal pasting at the hands of Bayern Munich.
What’s on the box?
Preston North End vs Burnley – 7pm Sky Sports 1
Man City vs Chelsea FA Youth Cup – 7.30pm ITV4
Hamburg vs Werder Bremen – 7.30pm ESPN
Saturday – MORE CUPS THAN ANNE SUMMERS
A footballing feast from start to finish, Saturday will be a true test of where AF’s loyalties truly lie. Of course, it’s impossible to overlook Everton’s FA Cup semi-final clash with Manchester United, held at Wembley, but there’s countless alternatives if the magic of the oldest cup competition in world football is unfortunately lost on you.
Schalke and Bayer Leverkusen represent the best-of-the-rest in the Bundesliga, currently ranking third and seventh respectively, whilst the Hyundai A-League is drawing to a close and Rayo Vallecano may have a few surprises in store for Real Madrid later in the day – although Barcelona’s miraculous slump in form has brought the Bernabeu outfit back into the title race.
But the pick of the bunch, at least overseas, has to be Lille’s Coupe de la Ligue Final with PSG. No French side has been able to compete with the champions this season but Lille have a decent chance of defying the odds. They’re currently sixth, are amid a run of seven wins in their last eight and have a real talent in Sofiane Boufal – who’s been dubbed ‘the next Eden Hazard’.
What’s on the box?
Soccer Saturday – 12pm onwards Sky Sports News
Manchester City vs Stoke City – 12.30pm Sky Sports 1
Hyundai A-League highlights – 3.15pm BT Sport 1
Everton vs Manchester United – 4.50pm BBC1
Schalke vs Bayer Leverkusen – 5.15pm BT Sport 1
Barcelona vs Sporting Gijon – 7.25pm Sky Sports 1
Inter Milan vs Udinese – 7.30pm BT Sport 1
PSG vs Lille – 8pm BT Sport Europe
Championship highlights – 9pm Channel 5
Real Madrid vs Rayo Vallecano – 9.30pm Sky Sports 1
Match of the Day – 10.35pm BBC1
SUNDAY – FOOTBALL BONANZA
From 10.55am to just before midnight on Sunday, AF will be glued to his armchair, remote in one hand, entire roast chicken in the other, flicking through an absolute marathon of football that spans a whopping five top flights.
The action starts with 19th-placed Levante facing Athletic Bilbao in an unusually early kick-off, quickly followed by the opening half of Inverness vs Kilmarnock before switching over to Sunderland vs Arsenal – where Arsene Wenger’s flamboyant prima donnas face an old nemesis in attritional enthusiast Sam Allardyce.
It then becomes a tossup between watching Leicester City’s miraculous title bid come one step closer to completion against Swansea City and the second FA Cup semi-final, held at Wembley once again, between feisty tournament underdogs Crystal Palace and Watford.
Away from British football, Gladbach vs Hoffenheim, Sevilla vs Real Betis, Frankfurt vs Mainz , Getafe vs Valencia and Villarreal vs Real Sociedad are all decent games albeit lacking star quality, whilst fifth-place Fiorentina will look to stop Juventus running away with the Serie A title for a fifth season in a row over in Italy.
Then for a gentle reminder of the Sunday that was courtesy of MOTD 2, where the dulcet tones of Mark Chapman will allow Armchair Fan to dose off into next week.
What’s on the box?
Levante vs Athletic Bilbao – 10.55am Sky Sports 3
Inverness vs Kilmarnock – 12pm Sky Sports 2
Sunderland vs Arsenal – 12.30pm Sky Sports 1
Gladbach vs Hoffenheim – 2.30pm BT Sport 1
Sevilla vs Real Betis – 2.55pm Sky Sports 2
Crystal Palace vs Watford – 3pm BT Sport 2
Leicester City vs Swansea City – 4pm Sky Sports 1
Frankfurt vs Mainz – 4.30pm BT Sport 1
Getafe vs Valencia – 5.10pm Sky Sports 2
Villarreal vs Real Sociedad – 7.25pm Sky Sports 2
Fiorentina vs Juventus – 7.45pm BT Sport 1
Match of the Day 2 – 10.30pm BBC 1